


I believe in a thing called love

by Kngo1995



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: 5+1 Things, College, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23166850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kngo1995/pseuds/Kngo1995
Summary: After growing up and becoming a better and gayer person Gen transfers to UNC and is roommates with Lara Jean.5 times Gen runs away and the one time she doesn't.
Relationships: Genevieve "Gen"/Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Did I edit this? no did I read it over? also no But I did put words on a page with purpose because there is only one other fic in this tag and it looked lonely. So here we are. Comment if you want. I might write something from Lara Jeans POV if I have the time. Also Please not IDK what I'm doing.

Gen took a deep breath stopping in front of the dorm room ready to meet her last-minute room- mate assignment nervously excited for her fresh start. Transferring colleges during her Junior year 3 days before the semester started wasn’t exactly what she had planned, but after non stop fighting with her parents and a few years of discovering what she wants she decided she needed to move farther away and to a school that would offer her a scholarship. So that’s how Gen, with the blessing of her therapist and to the disappointment of her parents ended up at the only school that was far enough away and offered her a scholarship. And now she steels herself and opens the door.   
Gen had already thought of all the ways her decision to trcould go wrong. Maybe she wouldn’t make friends, or her classes would be too hard or her roommate could be a sex addict. The one thing however, Gen did not see coming was that when she opened the door to her new room Lara jean would be sitting on one of the beds. Gen shuts the door. As she stands in the hall in a panic she hears a shout from inside the room   
“Um , Gen are you coming in?”  
And because personal growth still hasn’t stopped Gen from being a bitch when she panics she yells back “are you sure you don’t want to jump out the window to avoid this awkward moment?”   
Lara Jean laughs from inside the room “I got your letter come inside I think it’ll be fine.”  
That’s another thing Gen did on a whim, sending the letters. She wrote them as an exercise for therapy apologizing for all the ways she messed up in high school. Her therapist said it would be cathartic. She wasn’t supposed to send them but she figured the people she hurt deserved to know she was sorry. She sent 3. One to Peter, one to Chris and one to Lara Jean. Peter reached back out and they mutually decided to stay out of each other’s lives, Chris forgave her and they became close but she never heard back from Lara Jean. Gen just assumed Lara Jean never wanted to hear from her again but here they were.   
Gen wonders briefly, before opening her door if it would be naïve to still hope for a fresh start but decides to try anyways.   
She opens the door walks in and towards Lara Jean saying “ Hi I’m Gen I just transferred here as a studio art major nice to meet you” and she gives Lara Jeana hopeful smile. Lara Jean smiles back “Hello Im Lara Jean my usual roommate is studying abroad for the year, I’m a creative writing major welcome to UNC, nice to meet you”

Gen doesn’t know a lot about fate or the Universe and she’s not sure where she’s at religiously. But what ever it is pulling the strings she starts to believe that it will always bring her and Lara Jean together. She doesn’t know what to do with that.  
2\. After a few weeks on campus Gen gets into a rhythm She spends most of the day in classes or making art in the studio. She’s learning how to weld in her sculpture class and finds that she loves it more than she thought she would. In the evening, she heads back to her dorm room and sometime Lara Jean will be hosting a writing group or will be on facetime with her sisters. The first time Gen was in the room when Lara Jean was facetiming her sisters, she was grateful they were across the country because the second Kitty recognized her she felt the glare through the screen give her full body chills.   
“Lara Jean can you tell your sister we are cool now?”  
Lara Jean grinned slyly ”Kitty did I not tell you Gen and I are roommates now?  
Gen heard a strangled laugh and a “She what!?!”  
Gen left the room.   
Gen leaves a lot actually. Whenever she gets overwhelmed by her feelings or by Lara Jean. She hasn’t told Lara Jean that during her Freshman year in college she figured out she was a lesbian. Hasn’t told Lara Jean that when she was so irrationally upset over an innocent middle school kiss it wasn’t about Peter it was about her. That for a while a lot of thing for Gen were about Lara Jean. Gen had thought she’d moved passed it. She hasn’t.   
This becomes abundantly clear when Gen opens her dorm room one night after long hours of welding, ready to go to bed, only to find Peter and Lara Jean making out on Lara Jen’s bed. Gen slams the door shut. She hears scrambling on the other side and before she can stop her self she leaves. She goes back to the art studio and doesn’t come back that night.   
In the morning Gen wakes up with an ache in her back from sleeping in one of the art studio chair and 15 missed messages and calls from Lara Jean. Gen replies that she’s okay sending a picture of her art progress and lies saying she remembered she had a project due and that she worked on it all night. They both know she’s lying. Gen waits until she know Lara Jean has class to change clothes and get her stuff and doesn’t return to their room until 2am.   
Lara Jean is up waiting for her.   
“Gen, do you still love Peter?”  
Gen is tired and caught off guard and so she doesn’t even think about it when she falls into bed saying   
“No Lara Jean, I’m a lesbian.”  
Then she falls asleep.  
3\. Lara Jean and Gen don’t talk about it. Lara Jean does start asking Gen to hang out more. Gen assumes Lara Jean has fully decided they are friends again and honestly Gen could use friends as she navigates being a transfer student. Lara Jean and her begin to eat lunch together and have movie nights. Gen begins to wonder when Lara Jean has time to talk to Peter but she never mentions it.   
The problem is the more time Gen spends with Lara Jean the more she remembers why she liked her so much. But Gen would rather have her as a friend than not at all so she begins to try and make her own friends and maybe meet someone new. Someone to get her mind off Lara Jean so that she can just be friends with her.   
It kind of works. Gen finds someone to hook up with occasionally and although she still hangs out with Lara Jean she also finds her own group of friends among the other art majors. Gen begins to think she’s getting a hang of getting over being in love with her best friend who is dating her ex-boyfriend.   
She starts hooking up with her friend in her room while Lara Jean is in class. This is a mistake and Gen knows there’s a chance Lara Jean will walk in but can’t decide if she wants it to happen or not. She decides she can work it out in therapy later. Unfortunately on one of these days when Gen decides to throw caution to the wind Lara Jean’s class get canceled and she walks into the room. Equally unfortunately unlike Gen Lara Jean can’t seem to get over her shock enough to leave and close the door.   
Gen scrambles to put her clothes on. “Lara Jean close the door!!”  
The girl Gen is with also scrambles to put on clothes.  
The door slams shut Lara Jean still is not speaking and the girl Gen was with gets her things looking between the two roommates “I’m just going to leave”  
The door opens and shuts again.   
Gen doesn’t react well to Lara Jean gaping at her. She bites out a “If you take a picture it will last longer”. And then before Lara Jean can reply Gen Puts on the rest of her clothes and leaves the room.   
She works on her art all night again and figures this will be another thing they don’t talk about. 

4\. The rest of the semester goes by without anymore incidents. Lara Jean and Gen don’t talk about Gen’s hook up but after a few awkward days they are able to return to normal. Gen continues working on her art. Her Professors are supportive but think she is holding back. She also begins to believe that art critique days are probably part of one of the circles of hell. But she continues and gets better. Before she knows it it’s winter break and she doesn’t tell Lara Jean but she stays at school. She doesn’t have much of a home to go to currently but she has some other art friends staying she can hang with and she finds that her found family is enough. Spring Semester starts and Lara Jean comes back sadder and more distant than she has ever been. Historically that has been Gen’s wheelhouse, Lara Jean has always been annoyingly (endearingly) optimistic. Although Gen is almost certain this has change in mood has to do with Peter she decides to be a supportive friend and ask Lara Jean what was going on. What she did not expect was for Lara Jean to tell her that she got an internship writing short stories over the summer for a local literary magazine. And Peter he was going to be across the country interning at a physical therapy office. Lara Jean tells her she and Peter broke up because she didn’t know how long she and Peter could be apart if their internships turned into jobs after they graduated. Lara Jean admits that she doesn’t love Peter more than she wants to follow her dreams and before she knows it Gen is holding Lara Jean as she cries.   
Gen has never been good at comforting people, she can’t even handle her own emotions but she tries her best. She tells Lara Jean that its okay to choose yourself that sometimes love isn’t enough but that ift something isn’t supposed to work out it will. Gen isn’t sure she believes the last part but it feels right to say. She listens to Lara Jean and tries to ignore the voice in her head telling her that finally they are both single and both mature enough to maybe make something happen. She double ignores the voice that reminds her Lara Jean probably isn’t even into girls.   
After that night something shifts between Gen and Lara Jean. They spend even more time together and Gen discovers Lara Jean is a cuddler. Gen decides after a lot of reflecting she should probably be honest about her feelings and gives herself the deadline of a month. Gen starts working on a new sculpture it’s of two hands holding eachother and she makes friendship bracelets for both of them, she begins another set of sculptures that are two hears connected by a friendship bracelet. It’s cheesy and doesn’t really makes sense but the hearts are anatomically correct and she hopes Lara Jean gets what shes trying to say. The night she decides to be honest she puts her sculptures in a box and carries them to her room. She takes a deep breath and opens the door and finds Peter Kavinsky talking to Lara Jean with flowers in his hands.   
She closes the door. Walks out of the building and dumps the sculptures in the trash on her way out. She doesn’t hear Lara Jean call her name she just walks back to the art studio and resolves to act normal with Lara Jean.   
Gen doesn’t want to lose her again.  
That night Gen opens her email to find that she has received an internship at the local art museum. She and Lara Jean will be in the same city over the summer. Gen thinks it’s cruel of the universe to always push her towards Lara Jean while the person Lara Jean actually wants is always getting pulled a way. Gen thinks its cruel but deep down she hopes it’s a sign.   
5\. Gen does return to the room that night she’s relieved to see Peter gone and she sees Lara Jean sitting on her bed looking surprised. Gen sits on her bed as Lara Jean turns towards her.  
“you came back.”  
Gen feels guilty but doesn’t know what to say so she settles for “I live here”  
Lara Jean laughs “I suppose you do, move over” and that’s how Gen ends up watching a movie with Lara Jean as they cuddle on the bed. When she wakes up in the morning Lara Jean is still next to her. They are much closer now Gen has somehow managed to tangle her legs with Lara Jeans. Gen thinks it will be hard to extricate herself but also finds that she doesn’t really want to.  
5 minutes after she wakes up an alarm goes off and she sees Lara Jean slowly open her eyes. Gen pretends as though she’s just waking up to. They stare at each other for a few minutes until Lara Jean breaks the silence. “Oops I guess I fell asleep”  
“It happens, well I guess I have to get ready for class” Gen gets up trying not too act too weird but she cant stop thinking about how she always wants to wake up next to Lara Jean.   
On her way back to her room from class she runs into Peter in the lobby of her dorm. She’s surprised he’s still there and not at the University of Virginia. She panics as he approaches her and isn’t sure why. He gets closer “Hey I know this is weird but I need your help.”  
She isn’t sure what to do so she stays silent as he continues.   
“Lara Jean broke up with me so I came her to get her back, I love her and we belong together but she keeps saying that the timing is never right that we both deserve to follow our dreams and we can’t do that together.”  
Gen finds her voice “Shes not wrong.”  
Peter look at her with that desperate look he used to use to get whatever he wanted. Gen wonders how it ever worked on her before although she supposes that now she actually knows shes in love with Lara Jean it’s harder for Peter to get to her. He still knows her though. He switches gears.   
“Gen I just want us to be happy. Please help me. You live together and your best friends now,”  
And the thing is Gen does want Lara Jean to be happy and she wants Peter to be happy too. She still cares shes emotionally stunted but shes not a monster. At least not anymore. So instead of telling Peter to go away she tells him to show Lara Jean their dreams are compatible. Then instead of going to her room like she planned she walks to the art building and spends the night there. She might have helped Peter but she wasn’t going to watch him live out her dream. Lara Jean doesn’t text her that night and Gen isn’t sure what that means.

+1 Lara Jean doesn’t get back together with Peter. She does spend more time looking at Gen like she’ss puzzle she can’t quite figure out. The morning after the night Gen tried to help Peter she wakes to a banging on the art studio door. Its Lara Jean with a coffee and a change of clothes for Gen.  
“I don’t have access let me in”  
Gen looks up confused “How did you find me?”  
Lara Jean looks back at Gen determined “Why did you try to help Peter?”  
Gen sighs and grumbles “He just wants you to be happy but why are you here?”  
Lara Jean ignores the question “Why do you run away every time Peter comes here.”  
Gen looks at Lara Jean stubbornly “I don’t run I am an artist I just leave to art”  
Lara Jean sighs heavily losing steam she seems to decide something then but Gen can’t tell what it is “art isn’t a verb you nerd.” You have class soon. Lara Jean hands Gen her change of clothes and the coffee and walks away. Gen looks down and realizes she really doe shave class soon (in 10 minutes) and rushes to get ready trying not to fixate on how Lara Jean new her well enough to know she forgot to set an alarm.  
Over the next few weeks Gen pretends not to see Lara Jean stare at her during random moments and the two continue to get closer. Gen tells Lara Jean about her internship and Lara Jean insists they live together over the summer. For her mental health Gen feels like she should distance herself from Lara Jean not get closer but she says yes anyways.   
Towards the end of the semester the strangest thing happens at lunch. Gen is sitting with Lara Jean when a girl comes up to her they flirt a little bit although Gen isn’t really trying that hard and the girl gives her her number. When Gen turns back to talk to Lara Jean she finds that Lara Jean is gone. Gen cant figure out what it means but she feels as though she’s on the edge of something.   
That night when Gen returns to her room to find Lara Jean pacing in the room. When Gen walks in Lara Jean is looking at her with that determined look the one she gets when she’s decided she wants something and won’t take no for an answer. Gen is scared but also, a little turned on. Lara Jean points to her desk and there Gen sees the sculptures of the hands and the hearts and she turns back to Lara Jean unsure of what to say. Although it doesn’t matter when Lara Jean speaks first.   
“Gen, that night when I asked if you were in love with Peter, should I have asked if you were in love with me?”  
Gen can’t find words but she looks Lara Jean in the eye and nods.   
Lara Jean mutters “oh good” and walks up to Gen kissing her.   
And for the first time Gen doesn’t run from her feelings. Instead she sinks into them and kisses Lara Jean back. She thinks that finally the Universe got it right.


	2. Cant explain all these feeling that you're making me feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean's POV 5 times Lara Jean doesnt know what she wants and 1 time she does   
> Onve again i did not edit and i don't know what im doing but LARAGEN risseeeee

1\. For someone that is known among her close friends and family for writing letters, Lara Jean doesn’t actually receive them much. Even though they are far apart Peter is more likely to call than to write a letter and its hard to be disappointed by that when he says it’s because he likes the sound of her voice. All of that to say that when Lara Jean receives a letter that isn’t junk mail or from the University she is surprised. She is doubly surprised when she sees its from Gen and the she is surprised even more when she reads the letter and learns that it is an apology. Lara Jean tries many times to reply but despite knowing how to write love letters, she finds that she actually pretty bad at replying to Friends? Enemies what do you call someone you somehow know you’ll always be linked to but you don’t know if you actually like them? So Lara Jean lets the letter sit on her desk and eventually gets covered by books and homework until she forgets about it. She lets herself get lost in college and Peter instead. A few weeks later she gets an email from the school telling her that she is getting a roommate since hers is studying abroad and there is a student transferring in the middle of the semester. (Lara Jean did not even know you could transfer in the middle of the semester but she lets it go.) Then she reads the name of her new roommate and nearly falls out of her chair. If Lara Jean didn’t know for certain that she was fated for Peter she maybe would have thought the Universe was trying to tell her something.   
2\. When Lara Jean’s roommate moves in that week Lara Jean can tell that she had no clue Lara Jean would be her roommate. Gen is usually hard to read but Lara Jean can tell she’s surprised, Gen is usually unflappable but standing in the middle of the door way frozen, Lara Jean cant help but think she’s never seen Gen look vulnerable. So she laughs awkwardly and asks Gen if she’s coming in, then Lara Jean remembers the letter and decided to let Gen know that she got it, she wants to tell Gen that she’s forgive but Lara Jean cant find the words that feel right. Doesn’t know how to say that Gen was always forgiven that Gen could probably hit her with a car and they would still be connected somehow. Lara Jean also doesn’t know what that even means for her so she pushes the thought a away and looks at Gen expectantly instead waiting for any sort of response. Lara Jean sees Gen take a breath and hold out her hand saying “Hi I’m Gen I just transferred here as a studio art major nice to meet you “ and Lara Jean introduces herself back. It feels right to meet again like this, a new start, and Lara Jean feels something that feels a lot like hope. Soon though the moment is broken when Peter calls to check in on her and despite needing to unpack her things Gen slips out of the room with a muttered goodbye. Even though Gen just got there the room feels empty without her but Lara Jean isn’t ready to figure out why that is quite yet.   
3\. Lara Jean doesn’t know why she doesn’t tell her sisters that Gen is her new roommate but when they find out when Gen inevitably walks past her camera during a facetime Lara Jean feels relieved. After Gen leaves the room to give her some privacy Lara Jean is able to talk to her sisters about something that has been bothering her. “Do you guys think it’s weird Gen always leaves when I talk to Peter?” Margot thinks that Gen might just be trying to give her privacy or maybe just feels awkward because he’s her ex. Kitty however, has a different theory she exclaims “Lara she’s still in love with him duh” and Lara can’t exactly pinpoint why but that theory sticks in her brain and she can’t let it go. Later, Peter visits her and they are making out when Gen walks in. Lara Jean isn’t sure if Kitty’s theory is messing with her but she thinks she sees jealousy cross Gen’s face before Gen mutters an apology and leaves. Lara Jean wants to chase after her but Peter doesn’t always get to visit so she stays with him instead. When Gen finally returns at 2 am Lara Jean asks her if she still loves Peter and is shocked to hear a very sleepily muttered “No , Lara Jean I’m a lesbian”.  
4\. Lara Jean and Gen get closer after that now the Gen is freely out to her and Lara Jean isn’t worried that her roommate loves her boyfriend. Lara Jean doesn’t really think much of the whole situation until she walks in to their room early after her class got cancelled and sees Gen hooking up with someone in their room. And Lara Jean cannot explain how she feels in that moment but if she were to try she would probably call it jealousy. But she doesn’t try instead writes a letter to Peter and pretends nothing happened. She and Gen get still continue to get closer and there’s something about the way Gen looks at her, the way she stills to be holding something back that nags at the back of Lara Jeans mind. She finds herself spending more time with Gen looking at her for longer periods of time just to try to figure it out but she can’t quite find whatever it is she knows she’s missing. If she didn’t know better she would call it a crush but she knows that’s not right because she loves Peter and also she doesn’t even like girls? She doesn’t. she thinks. Anyways everything is going fine until she gets an internship and so does Peter but once again they find themselves apart and Lara Jean is starting to feel tired of feeling like she has to choose between her future and her love so she breaks up with Peter and it’s not the first time they’ve broken up but it feels pretty final this time.   
5\. When Peter knocks on her door Lara Jean is not surprised. What does surprise her though is that he tells her that he talked to Gen and she helped him realize that their dreams don’t have to be mutually exclusive. But what shocks Lara Jean the most isn’t that Peter came back but instead that she feels disappointed Gen would try to get them back together. What does that mean? Lara Jean doesn’t get back with Peter for once and she’s not sure why she isn’t sadder about it. But she does know she needs to find Gen. Lara Jean waits most of the night for her but falls asleep and when she wakes up Gen still hasn’t returned to the room. It takes Lara Jean an hour to find the art studio and when she does she can see Gen asleep through the glass doors. It is not lost on her how endearing Gen looks when she’s asleep. It’s a little lost on her that she’s falling in love but she doesn’t have time to figure that out right now. She does know Gen has class soon so after a brief underwhelming conversation whare Lara Jean tries to get Gen to admit why she leaves whenever Peter is mentioned and Gen dodges the question, she hands Gen coffee and a change of clothes and watches her leave. Lara Jean realizes she spends a lot of time watching Gen leave.   
+1 Over the next few weeks Gen and Lara Jean continue to spend more time together and with out Peter as an elephant in the room Lara Jean is starting to figure out some things about herself she just wishes she could read Gen a little better but Lara Jean recognizes that she doesn’t even really know how she feels so she lets it go for a bit. The thing is Lara Jean has never really been good at letting things go. So one night she is pacing her room trying to work out her feelings when she sees some of Gen’s art. Gen doesn’t normally share her art with Lara Jean which was kind of weird but Lara Jean just figured it was part of Gen’s broody art vibe and never questioned it. But now Lara Jean sees a sculpture with h hearts and hands holding each other tight and it finally clicks for her. She loves Gen and she thinks maybe Gen loves her too. When Lara Jean first started dating Peter she always thought she and Gen would be connected she just thought it would be in an enemy kind of way. She never really expected to fall in love with the girl who never shared her feelings but made cheesy art. She didn’t realize that Gen would become one of the people she could just talk to for hours and never get bored. Lara Jean thinks all of this as she paces the room and when Gen enters she just has one question. “When I asked you if you were in love with Peter still should I have asked if you were in love with me?” and when Gen shakily nods her head yes Lara Jene sighs out in relief says “oh good” and kisses her. It’s not quite like kissing Peter when Lara Jean kissed Peter she felt anxious like it was so good it would have to end eventually she kissed him like it was a fairy tale that eventually would end. Kissing Gen felt like coming home. All these years connected and it turns out it was love.  
+2 bonus! 4 years Later:  
Kitty Covey does not like to admit when she is wrong. Part of this is because she is never wrong well except for when she thought Lara Jean would end up with Peter. In the plot twist no one saw coming Kitty stands next to her sister in a blue suit and rainbow Converse as she watches her sister marry the love of her life, Gen. Kitty does not like to admit when she is wrong but she will make an exception for this. That doesn’t mean she wont embarrass her sister with her maid of honor speech though.  
Gen spent a lot of time running from her feelings, lashing out and hurting others rather than facing her feelings. But when she finally admitted the truth to herself (with the help of therapy and a push from Lara Jean) she finally found the happiness she used to only dream of.   
Lara Jean knows that her ending up with Gen may seem crazy. Two girls with the same ex who were enemies in high school? That could never work. At least that’s what Lara Jean knows every one will say. In fact its what everyone did say when they first started dating. But they dated anyways Gen worked on her relationships with Chris and Lara Jean’s sisters and now they know what Gen and Lara Jean figured out 4 years a go. Of course they are going to make it of course they are going to choose each other. After all the are Lara Jean and Gen.


End file.
